15 weeks...

So, I have become a blog stalker over this past year... it is just so easy to get onto trails from friend's blog lists until all of the sudden you are committed to reading a complete strangers musings daily. Creepy, I know.

Regardless, one of my very favorite blogs that I started to follow actually did a spot on a family friend of mine (the blogger's sister-in-law) throughout her pregnancy... she took weekly pictures and both parents would write a letter / our thoughts to the baby / about the baby until she was born. I found myself crying every time I read what they would write and so anxious to see her weekly pictures...

I am not going to be as fancy as what they did, but I do really love the idea of charting my body's changes, my emotional experience and prayers from beginning to birth... so go ahead and call me a copycat!

15 Weeks

Whether it is noticeable to anyone else but me (I know BJ notices but he is nice and acts like I look the same), my body has changed so much in the last week. My stomach muscles were so tight and slightly cramped that most of my week was uncomfortable and I was just sure I was going to pop.... sure enough, this Saturday evening it happened (BJ confirmed)! I can no longer suck in... now, I am not rushing out to buy maternity clothes, but I definitely have a hard, rounded stomach that confirms baby Rector is growing!! We are celebrating the fact that he is the size of an apple (slice or full we are not sure?!?!) and that her heart is pumping, ears are beginning to sense sound and kicks should be coming any day. Thank you Jesus for providing me this experience... we happily take the many trips to the ladies room during the night, the uneasiness of finding a comfortable position and my growing body... if all this means that there is a healthy baby growing inside of me, I consider it a GREAT JOY!

So this is what it feels like...

I have become a wreck over the past few months... literally. I have turned into a version of myself that is completely new and unfamiliar - in some ways, this is NOT a good thing... in others, I believe it is. Regardless, I am going to go ahead and chalk it all up to being pregnant - fair right? I mean, it seems like some of these new qualities / flaws / feelings popped up overnight. I will now divulge a thorough, but non-exhaustive list of the changes I have been noticing.

In NO particular order, "what it feels like to be pregnant", according to Karen:

*I could sleep all day. Literally I get up and start getting ready, eat breakfast, dress for the day and am ready to nap... or better yet, go back to bed until the following morning. My night sleep never seems enough (so should I be honest and admit that I go to bed most nights before 10pm now? WOW - embarrassing. The nights I try to stay up later... well, I end up falling asleep on the couch as a result).

*I can smell everything. I mean it.... ask BJ on this one (it is driving him nuts). Did you have corn for lunch yesterday? Yes you... even though you have brushed your teeth, twice if not three times since, I still smell it on your breath. Even though we aren't in the same room... Sorry. For you and for me.

*Cravings have changed. For example: I didn't eat red meat for the past 6 years, however, on the way home from Colorado about a month ago we approached a city that only had McDonalds as an option... me being STARVING sat trying to figure out what in the world I would eat. Mindy proceeds to tell me that they have great cheeseburgers (barf)... but then she started explaining... ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion... all I know is I literally started drooling in the car. I have had 4 "Happy Meals" since.

*While on food - I am ALWAYS hungry. For a while the thought of food could (and often did) make me "lose my lunch", if you will. But something has started happening in the last week or so... I am a human garbage disposal. Ask BJ: the other day I was walking through what I had eaten and before I was even through my afternoon snack with was laughing out loud. I would take you back to that fateful day, but instead will keep my dignity.

*I am an emotional wreck - I have literally cried seeing things that do not elicit tears - I mean, how many of you would like to admit that they have cried in an episode of The Bachelor? Sadly enough... I have. I cry at commercials, I cry during worship at church, I cry if you look at me funny, I cry if you do something sweet.... I am a VERY sensitive person all of the sudden. This little virtue also has an evil twin-sister... I hate it about myself, but I am finding myself very short-fused, snappy and sometimes downright rude. Hate it.

*I have become UBER-sentimental... I find myself caring deeply about this silliest things - it could be a note, a sweater I have had since high school that I cannot part with, the stuffed elephant Maxwell that I sleep with every night (not a joke), to my family. I just can't talk to my parents enough, talk to BJ enough... just to check on them, even... just brings me comfort.

*I dream some CRAZY dreams - like "Save the Turkeys" weird. I think I need to start writing them down in the morning because there are some great screenplays for Tim Burton in my dreams... maybe I will write a book... literally, they are VERY entertaining.

*Even though I am still in my regular clothes (wooop wooop!), I am not too proud to admit most days if just feels right to unbutton my pants at the end of my day... gets a little claustrophobic following dinner, so it is a nice treat I give myself. Likewise, I need to go shopping for some lady undergarments (embarrassing) because it is time up there, maybe past time.

*I constantly think about / pray for the baby in my belly. I can be doing 35 other things and he/she is never off of my mind. Unfortunately some of my thoughts can lead to worry or fear, sometimes to an overwhelming joy, but all in all to just the surreal feeling that a life is being formed, A SOUL, inside of me... (insert the emotional part of Karen... I just started crying). I am so humbled and can't believe that BJ and I actually get the amazing blessing to shepherd one of God's creations in our very own home... what will it be? what will they look like? what will they be like? will she be a dancer? will he play baseball? will they be my friend even when they are in high school ("I'm a cool mom" - think Regina George's mom in Mean Girls - um no.. haha!)?

Like I said, there are so many other sensations that just are new / exciting / different about being pregnant thus far... these are just a few that I was thinking about today.... probably because it is raining outside, I am tired, hungry, but I have eaten enough already that I wish I could unbutton my pants, and I am just humbled by the reality of why I feel all of these amazing sensations... I love this baby.

A New Look, A New Journey!!

Hello friends!! Today I found out that I have 6 faithful followers - to each of you - a deep, hearty THANK YOU for sticking it out with my boring blog over the last year or so...! But as you can see... Black Tie White Dress just received a darling makeover!!

Many thanks to my talented, beautiful friend Marina of Penny Lane Designs for updating our little bloggy blog - I can hardly stand it I think her design is so cute! And.... it is PERFECT for the fork in the road that this blog is taking...

If you remember back to 2008, this blog began as a way to keep our family and friends informed on the wedding plans being made for BJ and I's wonderful day - October 11... and so it only seems appropriate that now we give our family and friends a REASON to tune back in as plans are being made, changes are all around and a BABY is being formed in my belly!! C-R-A-Z-Y!!



Stay tuned for updates, pictures and our musings as we prepare to introduce our first little miracle into the world... we are ever so humbled by this blessing from our Savior... join us as we celebrate, anticipate and pray for Baby Rector until their arrival in late July!!

Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.

Who Fills My Cup?

If you have read any of my last few post you know right off the bat one place that fills my cup. Of course, Starbucks. But, I also frequent a great little spot on Lovers Ln. and Armstrong, in the heart of the Park Cities, called Drip Coffee. There is another great place in uptown, Crooked Tree Coffee. I wanted to write this post only to say I have an apparent superfluous amount of time and money at certain times. Also to ask any readers to comment. If you have some other great places to sit with a good spiced chai tea latte please record your "spot" in the comments below. Or, if you want to let me know a much better way to spend our funds, than on a drink that costs $30.80/gallon, feel free. A lengthy introduction, indeed.

What is money anyway? Who needs it? It is a way to trade for goods and services, isn't it? I need it, don't I? Sometimes I answer this question differently, but today I feel emotional about it. Yes I have testicles, but regrettably also deep emotions about several things I'd much rather not. I wish I cared a whole lot less about people. Compassion costs me a lot to be sure, just ask Karen. So how do my feelings and thoughts about, say... money and spending reflect my heart? This is a question any pastor worth his salt has posed to his constituents. Of course it reflects a person spending, but how does anyone hope to really know the condition of a heart from looking at spending habits. I am beginning to turn that question over and over in my head to see my error or my lack of understanding. I'd say typically I am judgmental of people, especially if I could peer into their pocketbooks. And I am sure they likewise of me and mine. Our condition, go figure. All this makes me ask, "What if God didn't need us? What if He didn't need our efforts, time, money, talents or any potential offering we possess?" You can probably see where this is going.He does not and never has. We are merely made partakers of anything good, if it be good. regarding money/spending I find that living between the extremes of asceticism and entitlement will most likely never be worked out in my mind. But boy is it worth the trip to try. So far I find it worth the journey. Sometimes because it helps me reconcile my worth in a ginormous universe. Often though I think it's because I am becoming more like whom I seek to know. I know I ramble but there is a point. In all my recent thoughts about money and how it is used I've come to the conclusion, at least as far as today takes me.

Who fills my cup? One that I've never met, never seen, never encountered other than in my own inner being.